Twila Paris sang a song titled The Warrior is a Child. I can’t say that I ever heard it on the radio, I don’t think it was top 100 hit, in fact, I can honestly say that I really never gave that song much thought…until I became that child warrior.
Then it all became so clear. That song nailed it….it was my life unfolding in song.
I wanted to unpack this song so it made sense to me, made sense in my head. I needed to understand why, if God had called me to serve Him, why did it have to be so hard? Why are there so many battles? Why couldn’t this be easy?
I am not really sure what I was thinking when I said “yes” to God. I think deep down in my mind, I thought: “Well God, You wanted me, so here I am, lets DO THIS” and then it would be easy. I mean, after all, HE is the one who asked me to serve, right?? So why would God ask me to do something that He KNEW would stretch me in ways I didn’t know I could be stretched? Why would He ask me to do something when He knew I would have to go in to battle? I guess the simple answer is simply He thought I could be useful and He needed to teach me that I had to be dependent on Him. Not dependent on myself, not dependent on my husband, not the Church, not the World. Just HIM!
“Lately, I’ve been winning battles left and right”
Oh, yeah, this Warrior is on FIRE!!! Watch out world, here I come…I felt like jumping up and down screaming: “Yes!! I made the team!!! God thinks I am ready…He has asked me to do some BIG stuff…He must really think I am ready for the Big Leagues”
Yeeeeah……then reality shot up and slapped me in the face. Then it was like “Really God, THIS is what you have for me?? I was all of sudden not feeling so Big League material.
“But even winners can get wounded in the fight”
YUP! The wounds kept coming: Trials, Tribulations, Pain, Heartache, Lost Friendships, Sadness, Despair, Desperation, Backlash, Untruths., Sickness, Death.
I was wounded. I was beat up. But I tried so hard to never show it…..
“People say that I’m amazing, strong beyond my years,
but they don’t see inside of me, hiding all my tears”
That was me….hiding all my tears..
Until I couldn’t hide them anymore. I started to cry. I mean, really cry. Ugly cry. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This serving Jesus stuff was supposed to be easy. Only it wasn’t easy. It was hard. Really, really hard.
“They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down,
they don’t know, who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword for just a while….cuz deep inside this armor, this Warrior is a Child”
I remember sharing one of my “ugly cry” moments with my husband, Jim. I lamented to him the same old thing I had been sniveling about for months: “this isn’t supposed to be hard…serving Jesus is supposed to be EASY…I shouldn’t have to work this hard to serve Jesus!!”
He, with all the love in heart, simply drew me near, wrapped his arms around me, held me tight, kissed the top of my head and softly said “Well, then obviously you haven’t read the Bible”
He was right! I mean he was spot on dead right. Did I mention that I hate when he is right?
He reminded me of all the great warriors that went before me: King David, Saul, Paul, Peter, Deborah, Sampson, Elijah….the list went on and on. He reminded me of the battles they faced in the name of serving Jesus, then he reminded me not only of the battles they won, but also how they DIED serving Jesus. (Did I mention that I HATE it when he is right??) He reminded me that it’s ok for warriors to get wounded in the fight and that even the best of fighters get knocked down at times. It is what they do when they are down that matters. They can choose to stay down, or they can grab on to something and pull themselves back up.
“Unafraid because His armor is the best…but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest”
I had a choice to make. I could stay knocked down and let my wounds define me, or I could, after a short rest, get back up, put on the armor of Christ and get back in the game and charge on. I chose the latter.
I want you to know that no matter what battle you are facing today, it’s ok to drop your sword and cry for just a while….you just can’t leave it there. You have to pick it back up and charge one.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you are the product of an amazing God who made you…well….you! You are amazing, you are stronger than you think you are. Yes, you will have battles, you will get wounded in those battles, but those wounds are not fatal wounds. Sure, some of them may just need a bandaid, while others wounds may require some stitches, but no matter what, you will heal. Oh you might have a scar or two, but hey, we were never promised perfect, flawless skin.
Pick up your sword, mighty warrior, and charge on!